I'm clearly not good at this 'blogging' business, I just can never seem to find the time to sit down, uninterrupted and write.. but, I will do my best to update!
My baby boy, who as much as I do not want to admit, is not a baby anymore... he is a toddler, nearly 15 months old, WHERE did time go?! I feel like he was just born. He is growing so fast sometimes it makes me cry when I see him do something new, say a new word, conquer a new milestone, it is so bittersweet. He is doing so good though, still not even close to sleeping through the night, but as of right now, Cole is going to be our only child, so I treasure the moments when it's just him and I in the middle of the night, and the fact that he is still nursing just makes those moments even more precious and dear to my heart. I am in no hurry for him to fully grow up. Yea, while working full time and getting up in the middle of the night constantly really sucks, in the end, it is completely worth it because I know it isn't going to be that way forever. Now if I could only get my boy to say Mama, THAT will surely make me cry.. he says everything else under the sun practically EXCEPT for Mama, it's really quite sad.. but it's okay, because I know I'm his favorite person. haha.
Being a Mommy definitely has it's ups and it's downs, but at the end of the day when I kiss my little man, put him in his crib and watch him sleep, I reflect on everything, and I think back to the days before we had Cole, we were financially comfortable, didn't have to worry about anything, could buy (almost) anything we wanted, could go anywhere at any time for however long we wanted, we were only responsible for ourselves. Now that we have Cole, we have to pay bills late, watch the bank account so very carefully, watch it dip into mere pennies, live on cheap pre-packaged food at times so that we can buy Cole healthy, organic foods, plan every outting down to the minute, plan around naptimes and eating times, we always need to put his needs before ours, and I absolutely LOVE it, I cannot think of a single thing that I would change! My life just would truly not be complete if Cole was not part of my it, he truly fills a void in my heart I did not even know was there.
So much for uninterrupted writing, Cole is awake and wanting to nurse, so that is my signal to get going... I will try to keep this updated more frequently.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Where to begin....?
I guess I should start at Friday August 21st. I had gone to the Dr's at 3pm and they did a non stress test and ultrasound to check on Cole's movements & fluid levels, all was well. So I went to my Dad's house for dinner, and started having contractions which freaked Dad out and he banned me from sitting on anything I could "ruin" if my water were to break lol they were steady at like 20ish minutes apart nothing all that exciting.. We came home and since Seth was supposed to be going to work in the morning, he went to sleep & I tried to sleep, but I was having fairly painful contactions every 10 minutes so I couldn't sleep, I hit up CJ on AIM and talked to her until the contractions were every 5 minutes and made me double over in pain gasping for air... I called the Dr. they said go to the hospital, I then called Mom and told her, and then I woke Seth up and off we went to Labor and Delivery at 3:30am =)
We get to the hospital around 4:30am and go to L&D where they hook me up to monitors and such and Seth and I just kinda wait there hoping the contractions stay in the pattern they were in so I'd get admitted. Mom got there shortly after. The nurse came in to give me the happy news that I was indeed being admitted and that I was "handling the contractions like a pro & my breathing was perfect" (Which might I add at this point, those suckers HURT!!) She also asked me if I was planning on aving an epidural, I said yes, and she told me that the Dr's wouldn't let me have one until I had a full IV fluids bag in my system and that she was going to start an IV so that by the time I got to the actually delivery room I would be allowed to get the epidural immediately instead of waiting, which I was SO very thankful for. Fast forward some time, IV bag empty, I move to my own labor room, and the anesthesiologist comes in shortly after, I kinda panicked because I'm afraid of needled and all I could think about was oh my goodness, if I thought the tiny IV hurt as bad as it did, getting a needle in my SPINE is going to hurt like hell! But the anesthesiologist reassured me by telling me that it hurts less than the IVdoes, so I believed him, and my Mom had to leave the room cause they only allow one person in the room while you get the epidural. So Seth held my hands and I squeezed his hands as hard as I could expecing a lot of pain, but much to m surprise, he was right, the epidural was NOTHING compared to the IV, I was completely shocked! The epidural was the best thing, I couldn't feel any contractions, no pain, as a matter of fact, I SLEPT for most of my labor! Fast forward some more... I knew it was time to push when I could feel a LOT of pressure in my "down-town" area as I like to call it lol and I could feel the contractions again, but only in one spot, so we called in the nurses & the Dr. and it was indeed time to push, I couldn't believe at this point how close I was to finally holding my little man, even though I knew I couldn't hold him right away because when my water broke there was meconium so I knew they'd be taking him to be suctioned and all that stuff which made me really sad, but I knew in time I'd get to hold my baby.
Seth stood at my shoulder helpng me hold myself in the "bear down" position an my Mom was standing at my side coaching me & just being there. I pushed for a little less than a hour, and man, that was pretty tough, it didn't hurt or anything, it as just tough bearing down & staying stong for a full 10 seconds for such a long period of time.. Also I was really worried about Cole because his heart-rate kept going really far down with every contraction & they had to us the suction one time to pull Cole farther down, but when my Dr. said "Sweetie just one more really good push, his head is right here, he'll be out, you can do it" I pushed as hard as I could and I felt the pressure release which meant, I was finished, he was here, my little boy I waited so long to meet was finally here! I opened my eyes I see him, but they took him away so fast all I got to see was his little legs and feet. Seth went over to the table with him & my Mom stayed with me.
They brought Cole over to meet me for the first time before they took him up to he NICU and he was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, he looked exactly like Seth. I just cried. They let me hold him for a very quick and all too short minute, then they took him up to the NICU. Seth went with him. I then got all stitched up from my cut/tear. By the time that was all finished, they had brought Cole down, he was okay, everything was good, and I breastfed him for the very first time, it was the greatest feeling in the whole world, to hold and feed my baby. He had his eyes open & he looked at me, I've never felt more accomplished in my whole life as I did at that very moment. I was finally a Mommy.
The first night in the hospital was very rough, Cole couldn't keep his temp up, & the nurses kept taking him for testing & bringing him back to me, he wasn't really eating, it was a very long and worrysome first night with my little man. By early the next morning, he was back & doing well, all his tests came back normal. I think he couldn't keep his temp up because the AC was on high & it was FREEZING! But it doesn't matter now, Cole is home, and he is doing great!
We get to the hospital around 4:30am and go to L&D where they hook me up to monitors and such and Seth and I just kinda wait there hoping the contractions stay in the pattern they were in so I'd get admitted. Mom got there shortly after. The nurse came in to give me the happy news that I was indeed being admitted and that I was "handling the contractions like a pro & my breathing was perfect" (Which might I add at this point, those suckers HURT!!) She also asked me if I was planning on aving an epidural, I said yes, and she told me that the Dr's wouldn't let me have one until I had a full IV fluids bag in my system and that she was going to start an IV so that by the time I got to the actually delivery room I would be allowed to get the epidural immediately instead of waiting, which I was SO very thankful for. Fast forward some time, IV bag empty, I move to my own labor room, and the anesthesiologist comes in shortly after, I kinda panicked because I'm afraid of needled and all I could think about was oh my goodness, if I thought the tiny IV hurt as bad as it did, getting a needle in my SPINE is going to hurt like hell! But the anesthesiologist reassured me by telling me that it hurts less than the IVdoes, so I believed him, and my Mom had to leave the room cause they only allow one person in the room while you get the epidural. So Seth held my hands and I squeezed his hands as hard as I could expecing a lot of pain, but much to m surprise, he was right, the epidural was NOTHING compared to the IV, I was completely shocked! The epidural was the best thing, I couldn't feel any contractions, no pain, as a matter of fact, I SLEPT for most of my labor! Fast forward some more... I knew it was time to push when I could feel a LOT of pressure in my "down-town" area as I like to call it lol and I could feel the contractions again, but only in one spot, so we called in the nurses & the Dr. and it was indeed time to push, I couldn't believe at this point how close I was to finally holding my little man, even though I knew I couldn't hold him right away because when my water broke there was meconium so I knew they'd be taking him to be suctioned and all that stuff which made me really sad, but I knew in time I'd get to hold my baby.
Seth stood at my shoulder helpng me hold myself in the "bear down" position an my Mom was standing at my side coaching me & just being there. I pushed for a little less than a hour, and man, that was pretty tough, it didn't hurt or anything, it as just tough bearing down & staying stong for a full 10 seconds for such a long period of time.. Also I was really worried about Cole because his heart-rate kept going really far down with every contraction & they had to us the suction one time to pull Cole farther down, but when my Dr. said "Sweetie just one more really good push, his head is right here, he'll be out, you can do it" I pushed as hard as I could and I felt the pressure release which meant, I was finished, he was here, my little boy I waited so long to meet was finally here! I opened my eyes I see him, but they took him away so fast all I got to see was his little legs and feet. Seth went over to the table with him & my Mom stayed with me.
They brought Cole over to meet me for the first time before they took him up to he NICU and he was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, he looked exactly like Seth. I just cried. They let me hold him for a very quick and all too short minute, then they took him up to the NICU. Seth went with him. I then got all stitched up from my cut/tear. By the time that was all finished, they had brought Cole down, he was okay, everything was good, and I breastfed him for the very first time, it was the greatest feeling in the whole world, to hold and feed my baby. He had his eyes open & he looked at me, I've never felt more accomplished in my whole life as I did at that very moment. I was finally a Mommy.
The first night in the hospital was very rough, Cole couldn't keep his temp up, & the nurses kept taking him for testing & bringing him back to me, he wasn't really eating, it was a very long and worrysome first night with my little man. By early the next morning, he was back & doing well, all his tests came back normal. I think he couldn't keep his temp up because the AC was on high & it was FREEZING! But it doesn't matter now, Cole is home, and he is doing great!
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